Listening and reading many things about music and "the Industry", and also fortunately having "What Is an Indie" dragged across my viewing field, I am declaring that I don't know what the heck I'm doing and I'm getting to be an old man with artistic sense but living into a deteriorating environment. What am I making music for? Actually what I really think is, 'why do I have THESE instruments and doing THAT music' when what I really want is to concentrate on something that makes me feel better, that will make the world more lovely or make my place in it more secure and loved? I'm destined to feel love in my weakness, and frightened by my own declining capacity. I have my strong times but the clarity of thought during those times can also be depressing in trying to figure out how I can "get along" without falling into a gutter (and I'd rather a rural pasture than this urban tidepool I live in now) My pain makes it (mentally) harder to watch so much pain going through others. I think that is why in the past decade I have felt much more disturbed by the direction of the world around me. I know things move in cycles but the trend projected from the past couple of decades seems to point to a further downward movement. I think the real evil comes from the games played between nations and corporations, government officials and representatives, and the worlds super-rich. We are just pawns in the movement of capital, and they have a nice piece of my capital expense for hardware and software that informs me of more than I should ever have inadequate freedom to worry about.
