louwhoz

The end of the year always seems to hit me as both a revelation and a let down. There is the entire last twelve months to review and reflect upon, highs and lows, and then the relization that time is indeed continuing to move forward and we are fast approaching a new year. Here comes 2009 and all of the new challenges (and hopefully changes) that it will hold.

We will have a new President, I will become a parent, and both of these facts fill me with anticipation and anxiety. I'm not sure that I myself, or my country, are truly ready to face the sacrifices needed in order to achieve the results we hope for.

I find myself in a familiar situation faced by soon-to-be parents for millennia...what kind of a world am I bringing a child into? What quality of life will he have in the upcoming years? Am I responsible or selfish for getting pregnant in the first place? And I ask myself these questions as he is busy kicking away inside of me...

Lights and food and gifts and song celebrate the end of the dark and the begining of the light. I can only hope that it is not just for this season, but for the upcoming years, as well.

...and try to remember... Ah. What is it about the 'end of Summer' that makes me reflective and pining for musicals? The temperature is perfect, the breeze delicious, and I can almost smell Fall in the air. Almost time for hearty soups and thick sweaters and honestly, I can't wait! As far as I'm concerned there are only two down-sides to Fall and Winter approaching: shorter days and colder nights. Being someone who enjoys walking the dog late at night or scampering around the house with little on, I tend to get a little 'down' during the cooler months. Still, the holiday season is quick approaching and that in itself is distraction enough to keep my mind off of chilly and dark nights. After seven months at my new job, I must say that life at the airport is overall quite nice! I find myself more and more often saying 'I can do that.' and I mean it. I've learned a lot so far this year and my office income as well as my confidence has benefited. I'm hoping for a bonus (something I've never had) this year. It would be nice to have some extra money around the holidays. We'll see how it pans out. Personal life is great, social life is insane, and pooch is fabulous. In total, enough to keep me occupied and hopefully sane. As one season makes the slow but steady turn into the next I'd like to hope that this Fall brings much peace and healing to the world as well as love and plenty to our home. Now...back to work!

It's Friday! The best day of the week! A day of hopes and dreams and plans...all for the weekend to come! I've been working very hard, putting in lots of extra hours, and truthfully, I thought I'd be farther along in my work load than I am. I'm a little discouraged, but I know I'm doing the best I can, and soon I'll be able to hire an assistant to help me. With that light visable at the end of the tunnel, I can wait. The work keeps coming in, which is good, and my clients are telling their friends so my base is growing, and that is also good. This weekend I will reward myself with some lavish relaxing and maybe even a little hedonism...we'll see!

I have eighteen days to meet my first deadline at my new job. I've been here six months and my boss appears to be pleased with my performance and even granted me my vacation early. Getting away was very relaxing and nice, but I was surprised by the fact that I was not dreading going back to work...I was actually a little anxious and missing it! What a change from my last job!! At the same time I still really love my weekends, that has not changed at all, but I think it has more to do with what they represent than what they really are. To me Saturday and Sunday are blank sheets, nothing but potential for me and my honey, and I enjoy the 'us' time. Back at my office, I enjoy focusing just on my work, my day, my week. It's also an interesting atmosphere to be in: the airport, the pilots, the energy and excitement are all new to me, too. For the most part I feel safe and its not too far from home. Down side, it is still taking up a lot of my time. I find myself thinking about work more than I necessarily want to, and my other projects appear to be suffering. I really want to get my photos from Puerto Vallarta up on my site. I want to finish framing the photos that are supposed to go up in our home, and I can't even find the time to find a contractor to do the upgrades to the house I've been longing for. I guess having a job you love really is a bit of a double-edged sword. I'm sure with time I will find a bit more balance.

Well, I've been at my new job for almost five months now and I must say it's truly been quite an experience. I'm learning so much about this field of work, and so much about myself as well. I'm constantly pushing my level of comfortability with Govenment Agencies and the maze of red tape and paperwork they live by. I'm discovering the joy of a long project finally accomplished, as well as the bliss of a cool and satisfied boss! I'm looking forward to the challenges (and obvious benefits) of hiring my first employee...that will be weird! I will really need the help soon since the work-load keeps growing and I'm just a one-woman show down here! It will also be nice to have someone to talk to, as well. I never thought I'd get lonely, and usually I don't (or I'm just too busy to notice) but sometimes I find myself having serious debates with my office plants...so I know its time! Next week I'll take my much deserved one week vacation and try not to think about work while I'm gone. I have noticed changes about myself and my life since I've started this new job: I do have more confidence, overall, it's motivated me to gain control in more areas of my life, such as my health...physical and mental. I find I'm not as likely to put off a project due to fear, I'm more likely to talk to strangers, and I'm driving a lot more, which is also good, I think. Basically, I find I'm overcoming a lot of 'old fears and demons' I've had hanging around. The down side is the time and energy all of this work and growth is taking. No...I'm not surprised, just tired. The days and weeks are just flying by and I find sometimes I can barely catch my breath! I may be growing in some areas, but then I turn to look at the house or my truck and see that I'm conversely slipping in other areas of responsibility, not to mention the free time to do the things I also enjoy. I find I have much less time to visit the ArtistServer BBoard, less time to read, and the worst...less time and energy to cook! A great day for me is when I can leave work about 2 hours early, hit the market, grab some flowers, and have the time to come home and be 'domestic'...so the battle for balance continues. Ok...back to work!